Letting Go of a Lost Love

It's finally starting to feel like Spring, which is symbolic to a new beginning. With that in mind, this topic goes out to the single people out there, ones who have recently experienced a difficult break-up.

I feel like we have all been in this position in life. We suffer a break-up and get caught in the past, wondering what went wrong and how one can fix it. It leads to depressing and lonely nights, putting a large damper on life as a whole. We all find ways to cope with it, but at times, those negative emotions just linger, waiting to drag us down. Here are some things to help you push past the pain.

Go out and find a hobby. It could be related to music, puzzles, video games, working out, anything that will occupy your mind. Once you put yourself into something you enjoy, you may find out something that is very interesting: While you're dedicated to your hobby, you aren't thinking about the pain of your loss. There is a high chance that your mind will go back to the pain you once felt, but the time away from those negative thoughts are healing.

Spend time with friends. There is a common misconception that one is lonely if he/she is not in a relationship, but this isn't true! Think of the friends and family around you. You may not have a romantic partner, but you have multiple emotional connections with others  who can help you through life. Being around others will help in two manners. You will realize that you aren't alone and true friends will find a way to comfort you and make you smile. This is also very cathartic while dealing with pain.

This next component is mental and may seem easier than it truly is, but let your ex-love go. It sounds harsh, but it is necessary. If the relationship is actually over for good, let the weight lift off of your shoulders. If you're still hurting after the first two suggestions, chances are you feel that you had done something wrong to drive the other person away. Do not put the fault on yourself. A relationship doesn't work because two people were not a compatible fit for life. What your ex may have despised is an aspect of you that someone else can love. Don't apologize for being you. This is poison to the mind and doesn't have an easy cure. You will be running circles in negativity. So I say again, let your love go. You're keeping yourself in the past if you don't do this. Focus on the future.

This brings us to the last point. Have hope. Sure, one relationship didn't work, but the next one may. What I found is love will find you when you least expect it. Keep an eye out for people you may be interested in, but keep positive and live your life. I'm confident that the right person is out there for you. One day, life will bring you together with another person and it will be an incredible moment. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, so learn from your ex and prepare for meeting the love of your life.

For those in a happy relationship, reinvigorate passion within it. Have a night just to the two of you and put that spark back into the relationship, assuming it was ever lost to begin with. Be thankful for each other and renew any love that may have been lost or taken for granted. Take this as a challenge, and good luck!

Friendship Far Far Away

"The guy/girl you love most moves away and he/she is the center of your life. They're the one you talk to when you're feeling down but you haven't talked to them since they moved, a long time ago. Now, you really need that person for everything. What do you do?"

A friend came to me with this question, wondering what she should do to solve problem. Here is my advice on the matter.

If that person is the center of your life, it must mean that you considered him/her a close friend, and he/she thought of you in the same way. Now that this person has been in another state for quite some time, it's fair to say that the bond that once held the two of you together has dissolved. However, it does not mean that it was forgotten. Your friend will remember you, and could share many of the same attachments.

If you're missing this person and wish to talk to him/her, then go for it! However, don't latch on to that person. Instead, say something along the lines of, "I miss you and thought we should catch up." This way, your friend doesn't feel pressured or forced into the expectations and boundaries of the past friendship. Let the two of you grow closer naturally, which could easily happen, considering how close the two of you were in the past. This is how to resolve the relationship between your friend.

The issue now lies in the idea that you need that person for everything. Find a way to branch away from that. Not only is your friend far away and not "easily accessible", but you need to find trust and confidence in yourself. As we get into romance and long term relationships, the mentality of "I'm on my own" goes away, as you forge a team with your partner. But otherwise, rely on yourself. Find that strength within yourself to take on life, and go to friends for added support and strength. Reliance on anyone will get you into trouble later on. It'll effect what you want to do with your life, and come between relationships with others. Start to ween yourself off of this dependence on this person. It doesn't mean you have to replace your friend, but become comfortable with yourself. It will solve plenty of issues, now and in the future.

I hope this helped!

I'm always looking to give advice. If you happen to have any issues with love and friendship, send me a message. It will be anonymous, and you'll get some unbiased advice straight from the blog! If you have any questions, comment with them. You'll get an answer soon!

Love Yourself

They say you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. I've thought long and hard on how valid this statement is. Should someone give up love if that person doesn't love him/herself? Should this be a life motto?

I do agree that you must love yourself. Though it doesn't mean that this love comes before you find a way to love someone else.  If you were to ask everyone who loves themselves how they managed to find this appreciation of the self, each person will have a different story. It may have been an achievement that got someone there, it could have been a conversation this person had with another. There is no science as to how a person can fall in love with themselves, have confidence, and feel happy in his/her own skin.

Here is my theory: If you fall in love with someone, your partner could be just what you need to love yourself. It could be something the other person said, or just fulfillment of being happy with another person, but it could easily lead to this love of self as any other scenario.

Some friends of mine are not quick to accept the idea that they are great people. They have excuses, complaints about themselves, and disappointment for themselves. If I had to give them advice to bolster their confidence, I would simply say, "Meet yourself." A person may not have love of the self, though if this person were to meet him/herself on the street, love could blossom between the two. Do you doubt it?

I use that motto above, "Meet yourself," as a way to illustrate how we never know how we will meet ourselves. Some of us never will, though others have the gift and ability to view themselves as how others see them, not as the critical people we often view ourselves as. It could be our lovers who allow us to meet ourselves. Through support, trust, communication, and words of love, our partners can make us see the positive effects we have of other people's lives. Therefore, the deep love we have for another could be the catalyst we need to reach love for ourselves.

If you hear the thought that you must love yourself before you can love anyone else, don't take those words to heart. If you happen to think lowly of yourself, focus on your relationships with other people. Find love for another, and this in turn will find your self confidence and appreciation. You are completely capable of loving someone else, even if you do not love yourself yet.
If you have found the key to loving yourself, go out in search of a person to love. You may be the key to another person loving his/herself.

With our culture the way it is, it could take a lifetime before we love ourselves. Don't hurt your own happiness by waiting for something that may take years to occur. Find a way to love yourself, and find a way to love another person, but either will happen in their own times. Nothing is set in a timeline.